Aug 15 2015

Life changing experience – New Me!

Hey everyone.

(This post will contain weights and numbers and could be triggering for some, please do not read if suffering)

I wanted to write this post because its been a long road, but a good one. It is going to cover some of what I’ve been through over the last few months in changing my weight and turning my depression on it’s head. It started 13 weeks ago and is entering it’s second phase and I really wanted to share how positive an experience it’s been.

I want to include a couple of pictures here, to show the differences in 18mths in myself and how my body has changes in the last 13 weeks too.

2015-08-15 09.24.26

This was where I started off in 2014. with my journey at The Wellness Centre in Burscough. But after all the good I did, I hurt my back and started off with 2015 as one of the worst years in our lives, I hadn’t realised how much I was comfort eating at work. (I drive a food delivery truck and the weight piled on, till I hit rock bottom and breaking point at 17 stone 2lbs.

2015-08-15 09.24.58

The bottom line is where I am at now.

I wasn’t one for pictures. But these were some taken last year, and early this year.

Old me      old me 2

This was part way through my journey with Lipotrim.

Middle me    middle me 2

And this is me now 🙂

2015-08-12 15.52.23     And me now. 🙂

Dawn Chapman

What I really wanted to discuss, was the change in my attitude though. After suffering with eating disorders for most of my life, I went into this knowing all the risks, all the ways it could go wrong, and all the ways it could go right. I decided that this was for me and that this was a decision I could make as an adult.

So I did it, I went for it, I struggled, I battled through the weekly regime and I have reached my set goal weight.

When I was attending Cheadle Royal Eating Disorders Unit, My weight went from 88kg and dropped to 71kg, this was after losing both my grandparents, and virtually not eating anything but yoghurt for 5 mths. I was in a bad place, but the Unit and the staff there helped me see why I did things and why I used food as a crutch, when food was no longer an issue in 2007 I turned to alcohol and Self Harm, it was a very bad year for me, but Cheadle Royal got me through it and in 2010 I was discharged from them at 83kg.

I have gone from 109kg to just under 83kg, and this is a good weight for me. I am happy, but this journey doesn’t stop here, because I need to carry on and be healthy. After going Total Food Replacement, I am now re-introducing foods again. I admit I was a little apprehensive of doing this. But, I was also armed with the re-feeding I did at Cheadle Royal.

This last week, I’ve been introducing healthy foods. Yey! and because this week has been such a milestone in my life. Reaching my target weight, and receiving the proof copy of my first novel, we went out to celebrate last night and I also had my first Vodka and Coke in 13 weeks.

With the help of The Wellness Centre now I have different goals. I do still want to reduce my body fat down some because I want to build my muscle back up again. My metabolic rate is the lowest I’ve seen it in a long time, and this also needs to pick up.

So, healthy eating and good foods. (It really tastes amazing now) and exercise.

For a treat, I booked a photo shoot for the 12th September. I’ve never done this before. Never wanted to document my life in such a way. Camera’s scare me! but I would like some professional pictures for my books and websites, and to do it because I know I can.

Eating Disorders and Mental Illness suck, but with things we learn over the years, we can pool ourselves together and turn a horrible year into the best year.

Keep positive when you have doubts, keep active when you want to hide. But more than anything, never give up.

Hugs.

Dawn

Aug 14 2015

Challenging and Changing How we Think about Mental Illness and Addiction

I was contacted by Mel Gaines about an article she wrote on Mental Illness, and I read through it with interest mostly because of how some people do perceive us and it. I was pleasantly surprised at how she saw Mental illness and agreed with some of her points. Media does play a big part in all our lives from how we look to how others see us.

Here’s a short introduction by Mel and the links to the article.  🙂 enjoy, and please let her know where you got the link from 🙂

Dawn

Challenging and Changing How we Think about Mental Illness and Addiction

Media portrayals of people with addictions or mental illnesses are often inaccurate, and as a result, there’s still a considerable amount of stigma faced by people affected by these problems. What can be done to change the narrative?

Overwhelmingly, the media portrays mental illness and addiction inaccurately, often by playing to stereotypes: for example, addicts who are unable to successfully move through the recovery process, or people with mental illnesses who commit violent crimes or are institutionalized for life. Studies show that most media portrayals depict people who act in ways that are considered deviant, while there are relatively few portrayals that depict people affected by addictions or mental illnesses in a positive light.

Other studies show that in general, people’s opinions about addiction and mental illness are strongly influenced by the media. For example, according to national survey results, many Americans say they don’t want to work with or live next to people with mental illnesses or addiction problems. More than half believe that such people are likely to be violent, even though people with mental illnesses are more likely to be victims of violent crime than they are to be perpetrators. It’s likely, then, that the continuing stigma that surrounds these problems are also influenced by the media.

Could media portrayals of people who successfully undergo treatment reduce the stigma, and make people less likely to express discriminatory attitudes? Recent studies looking at people’s attitudes to narratives about recovered addicts suggests that this might be the case.

Given the enormous influence that the media has on public perceptions of mental illness and addiction, it’s vital that the media begin to make recovery more visible, by paying more attention to success stories, and by creating accurate portrayals of people affected by these problems.

Jul 24 2015

TSK Productions Ltd

TSK Logo

Things this week have been mega busy, not just on the work front, and home life but in starting off as I mean to go on with this wonderful company!

The logo and artwork for some of the books and now for the company has come from Andrew Dodd.

I first met Andrew back in 2010, through a mutual friend and he illustrated one of my earlier stories back then, it felt only right that needing more line art for TSK that I contact him to join us.

I am loving everything about this move at the moment, yes it might be hard work in the future. But I’m so excited for us!

Onwards!

Jul 21 2015

Exciting news, and moving onwards!

Hello there! 

There always seems to be so much going on at the moment, I barely get chance to sit and think about my blog besides even write anything for it. But, I promised myself  and my followers I would today.

It’s really not been the best year, and some things aren’t and maybe won’t get better for a while and defo are life changing.

Death has been the biggest hit on us emotionally and physically this year. With losing so many good people and family in quick succession it was hard to take in. It seems that side of things might not be over with just yet either, my mums last relative, and my grandad’s sister is really not well. Problem is, unlike my Aunt and Uncle who were together is she’s living in Whales and it’s a long way to go when something goes wrong. It put a kibosh on some of our plans for yesterday. But, I coped on my own.

The next biggest decision for us, is to take on the house and have our first mortgage. It’s so complicated, we’ve so much going for us, and against us. I met with a cracking chap yesterday who told me everything in plain terms and I was able to understand it and think we have a chance… finally. Which will ease a huge weight off my mum and my shoulders. We want to stay in this house, we don’t want to sell up and move and have to start all over again. Even though it might be nice. I like it here and I like my job, and my customers. 🙂 So fingers crossed for us all. We really need this.

On the TSK front. 

Well I couldn’t be happier with things there. We’re closer than ever to the launch, even though it’s been a painstaking job to get us here, it’s been worth it.

And…. as a working partnership. My animator friend and co -writer decided to make our partnership more permanent, and we launched, TSK Productions limited 🙂 our aim is to use TSK as a launching platform to do other things. So we may start small, but we’ve a lot to do and have big dreams!

Diet wise, please don’t read if triggered easily. 

I’m doing great. I feel better than I have in a long, long time. I’m back in all my old clothes from after I left Cheadle Royal and I’m nearly back to the same weight. I’ve about 4 weeks to go on this regime.

Of course I’m a little nervous. I’ve never done anything like this for a long long time. I’ve tried to manage my weight issues with a normal diet. But it was this or I fear I would have just stopped eating anyway or turn into a drunk. I know this is the slightly lesser of two evils. But it’s probably still an evil. My brain isn’t happy with me even still. I see the results, and I know where I’m going to be in the next 4 weeks, but I’m scared. Re-feeding will have to be nice and slow, just like I did at Cheadle, I know my limits, I know my bodies limits and my minds. So, I’m going to take it easy. I know I can do this myself. I am an adult who knows what she wants and why, and is capable of not letting this go stupid. (ED in my head, shut the fudge up)

So, I’m happy feeling as I am. People can see it, just not me. I will in the end. 🙂

Jun 12 2015

So quiet….

This post may contain some triggers, please be careful.

Hey guys,

I wanted to jump in and try and tell you everything that’s been going on, but putting words to paper has been pretty hard for me the last few weeks. In fact too hard.

It’s been the year from hell, I know many of you already know about some things that have been going on. We lost my uncle, then my hubbies best friend and then my aunt. My mum’s been in and out of hospital having two operations, the first wasn’t diagnosed as skin cancer, but the second one has just been confirmed. There has been one other life changing event, which I can’t talk about for legal reasons, but it involves my husbands other close friend, and is very heartbreaking for both parties. And it’s affected us all a lot in the last four weeks, hence why I’ve been so quiet.

My focus as usual has been for TSK. I’ve been working with a crit team in the UG on scrib who have been super awesome. And I’ve just knuckled down and gotten on with things. Critting and writing.

Book 1’s cover is almost done! I’m even more excited to share this with you guys, a few weeks. Then fingers crossed for publication!

TSK’s book 2 is back in for beta in August. I’ve worked my butt off on this one. And the shorts are just doing fab. We’re almost half way through with editing and finalising them ready for our website! I can’t wait.

Writing is re-writing and I’m learning to love the whole process, honest.

————— trigger

With all this that’s been going on this year, I have to admit I kinda let myself not worry over what I was putting in my mouth. And it was getting harder and harder to get in my largest pair of work pants. I was at the bottom, totally about to self destruct. In fact if I am honest, more than half way there…. which was just making me feel worse and worse. The anti depressants helped for the first few months, but with everything that hit us it just wasn’t doing anything at all.

I don’t know what made me decide to do something about it, it was one of those things which just happened but I went into my customers a chemist one day and decided to try the plan they support there, called Lipotrim.

I’ve never done anything like this before. But, it’s something that I just had to do. I’ve everything to gain, and more than enough to lose.

I wanted to talk just a moment about how this is not my ED head working. This is my perfectly sane brain, taking control of what I was doing and turning this horrible downward spiral into something positive.

My chemist is aware of how and what I went through, my doctor and my nurse all know I’m doing this, and although it’s been met with some stern looks and concerns from my husband, my mum also backed my decision.

I am taking things easy with it, not exercising at the same time. It will be for appprox 4mths, which I’m in week 4 already. I’m not talking about the weight loss, because that isn’t why I’m really doing it. I’m doing it for my sanity and at the moment I can honestly say I feel 100% better. I’m sleeping properly which for the first time in 8 mths is a massive thing for me. I’ve more energy and my body is so much happier. My feet love me, instead of complaining all day long.

This won’t be something that I’ll post about a lot, because I know how it makes some people feel. And me too, but this is a journey that I have to go through. One I will come out the other end of, hopefully having gotten through the worst year of our lives to date.

It tells me a lot when my husband admitted to friends that he thought my eating disorder was the worst thing ever, but this years beat that hands down. I know it has, this is a life changing year, in more ways than one. For us two together, and for my family on the whole.

I love having this blog, it’s been the best thing ever for me when I’ve had exciting things to share, and the saddest of things.

Sending this out into the ether, breathe out the negative, and breathe in the positive! At least now I am fighting in the right direction. Not allowing myself to get any lower. It’s a long way off, but we will get through this year!

Love to ya all.

Dawn x x