15:40

I feel the need to vent

I feel the need to scream and shout,

for gods sake let this pain go away and let me be who I want,

the person inside hiding again, as I am not me, the person inside crying,

You beat me down, you beat me sensless,

You stupid stupid disorder, leave me alone, let me be,

I am fed up and your the one free,

Love Dawn

xxxxxx

Bad day bad feelings feel i cant face anyone,
ed niggling at the back of me,
and I hate him so much,
I gonna take a night off fight him good style,
just though I’d let ya know, not good at the moment, and I love ya all loads,
Love and big hugs

Dawn
Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

19:38

Well I was having a great day yesterday had my friends all with me, and had a good laugh on here, but my dad signed on and seen my msn message telling ed to sod off, and he rang me asking what was up and what was going on, I talked to him for a bit and then hubby came home, and he asked why i was upset, I told him aboutmy dad and he said something I wasnt really listening and then he said about he was prepared for me to have ed for a lot longer than this, and I told him i wanted rid of it for good, then I started crying,

and I cried and cried,

I was still on line and sarah came home tried to talk to me buI couldnt cope, i knew it had to come out but I just couldnt let it, I felt stupid useless and so weak, hubby was there to hold me and he talked to me for over an hour and I love him so much I felt even worse cause he cares,

Stupid ed, stupid me for letting him get to me, and for me thinking for a moment I cant beat him.

hardly ate anything yesterday, or today, but hubby asked me to bake a loaf I have a bread maker and so I did now I know I will eat this, and ed is telling me not to, but you know what i am gonna say sod off, sod off,

will try and keep going will really try,

I cant give in now,

my rant for today,

love and hugs all

Dawn

xxxxxxx

I was ok, I ate some tea, and then I went outside to put the motorbike away,

I slipped and it went over taking me with it,  the handle bars hitting me in the face,  I shouted for paul n all he did was shout at me, I was so upset didnt ask if I was ok, just about the bike,

Stupid, hubby, so I sulked all night, and didnt tell him I loved him before I went to sleep and I do always tell him. So this morning he apologised and seen the bruise on my face, hope he felt guilty.

was an accident god I dropped my little bike twice, only could pick that up just and he dropped his big ones loads of times, caused 20000 woth of damage once,

I had bad dreams all night, looking for lightning wanting some comfort, he was there, doesnt come very often now, but he was there and I was taken somewhere safe, away from the bad dreams,

anyway, one good thing yesterday I got a text message from a girl in work a new girl she is nice, and we have talked about a lot of things, she asked me how I was and hoped I was ok, I was made up, then this morning she text me as she os off on hol next week she asked if she didnt go away could we do something for the day awwwww I nearly cried,

Will catch you all soon, love ya hugs,

Dawn

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

19:30

I have two dreams

and one cant happen without the other,

I know I write and would love to be published and when I am comes the second dream

I want a retreat for us all a nice place where we can all meet and chill out, relax and talk hug each other and make real true frineds for ever,

my two dreams become one,

I know I have a list as long as my arm of anyone wanting to come,

please tell me so I do know you all want to see me for real , meet me in the flesh,

anyone who doesnt can reply too,

he he this gonna be great I know it all of us together and I know I will do it, next ten years you will all be with me, in my luxurious home with swimming pool and gardens massage therapist and all, anything you want,

post any ideas you have too I would welcome them all,

Love ya all loads and know this would be ace,

Dawn

xxxxxxx