I am struggling so so so much there is nothing anyone can do only me,

We had to have our cat put to sleep on thursday, he was 2 years old, and adorable. He contracted an illness called FIP, which can spread from cat to cat.

We had thought he was a little sick, he had had worms the week before and never seemed to get any better after worming, he was losing weight and not eating a lot, so we decided an overhaul was the best thing, we took our other cat Spooky too.

The vet examined him and said he was in a very bad way, his liver wasnt working properly and she thought he may have either had a tumor or an allergic reaction to the worming tablets.

Typsey was sent straight to their bigger practice where he was given an xray of his stomach and he had blood taken.

Two hours later we gets a phone call, its this FIP ( I went to animal school and I’d never heard of it) It infects the cat and the cat cannot fight it, basically all his internal organs were finally shutting down.  There was treatment to keep him alive for perhaps another few weeks but it wasn’t worth hurting him anymore, you could see the sadness in his eyes.

Paul was with him when he went to sleep, I couldnt be there.

On thursday my best friend <st1:place>Sian</st1:place> came up to comfort me, she bought me a lovely gift, a necklace and a bottle of wine. Both went down a treat.

I know drinking isnt the answer but it helped me get to sleep. I woke up fri morning though in such pain, I had the runs and then when I tried to have a drink I started to vomit. YUK drunk I was and I felt it.

I can normally drink much more than a bottle of wine but with not eating much all day as I was too upset I think it just went to me head.

I cannot think of a worse year in my entire life.

We went to see my nan who is in hospital on Fri night, and she is in a bad way, the doc’s dont seem to know what to do. I don’t think they can do anything.

My mum then rang me with the test results of her Xray. There is no change. How can there be no change she should be getting better from phunmonia surley its been two months. She said it could be scarring on her lungs so she has to see a specialist next week.

I just wish things would get easier you know, everything is just such a mess, I dont know where I am anymore.

Ed is calling me and I dont want to go back, but its getting so hard.

Umm I think this post is very very long. I should go,

Love ya all.

Dawn

xxx

Hi everyone,

Just to let you all know, my mum was taken into hospital on monday, she started with a pain on sat in her back, and it just seemed to get worse and worse, she couldnt move. She has had 3 bad chest infections in the last two months, and this one has been diagnosed as phumonia, now turned into septacemia, I been to see her tonight and she looks just the same, my little ol’mum, but she looks week and so so tired, really drained, I feel awful, you know how it is, life gets in the way of so many things, and the people we love the most, we also sometimes neglect the most.

I am finding it very tough this week not to think really bad things about myself and my sad life, but I have also been fighting it so hard, I have just been given the release and something like this knocks me for six,

I came home from the hospital on tues, crying, I felt so sad, I need my mum so much, yet I didnt even know, and I guess I do now…

So many bad things went through my mind on tues, Paul was out with his mate, and I was alone with a bottle of wine, I tried to ring a friend, but there was no answer, she been away for a few days, as a holiday. so I tried another friend and no answer.

I did good though, I didnt give in even though there was no one to talk to, I kept my head held high and I didnt let ed in. I had about half my wine, tucked up in bed, watched some telly and went to sleep.

Today now its easter, I have some time off and I can spend some more time at the hospital too. Frank mums hubby is going fishing with mine tomorrow, so I got the time to myself, I will enjoy it.

Please even though sometimes we dont get on with our families and our mums, remember how special they are and how much we would miss them if they werent here.

Hope you are all okay,

Huge hugs going out to you all

Dawn

xxxx

Just to let everyone know

I have been six months now in recovery, I saw my cpn yesterday, and he was so proud of me, he says I have the confidence and the intelligence to now handle anything life throws at me,

It was quite sad to say bye to him, but I am now discharged, and even though I am sad I am so so so happy.

I know we all can do it, and I know it does get easier.

Love Dawn

Hi everyone

My names Dawn, I am 28 and had my ed for a long long time, am fighting hard and winning slowly.

I know some of you here, hope to ctch up with you all soon,

D

xx

Hellooo Long time since I did this, had a moan about everythin,  but you know just when things are going real good doesn’t something just sort of knock you off wack.

Reason why I sort of wanted to come back I suppose is for this reason, its good to talk when you are really low.

Had a bit of good news and then some bad news,

Good news first. A couple came to look at our van on saturday, and they are really interested, we just dropped the price so thats a bummer, as have to sell it lower now, but hey they loved the garden. Waiting on an offer now, they went away to talk and said they’d let us know tomorrow, so fingers crossed.

Bad news, May not be able to get a house, sob, am upset and frustrated as I had hoped this would be it for caravan life and maybe Paul and I could have a real chance at everything. Guess not.

If we sell our caravan now, we will make money on it, from buying it new and doing the garden up, plus we have been here nearly five years, but if we sell it in a few years we may not make anything and be out of pocket so everything is telling me to sell and move on, but it means another caravan, and we spent so much on this and have so many nice memories here.

I want to sell and financially we will be sorted, we have a plan to move to this sites sister just up the road, and by getting a caravan a little cheaper than ours, we will be able to do so much more, and will be secure in our selves.

I am being silly I guess, but ed is trying to worm back in. Every little thing is my fault and there are plenty of things I am blaming myself for at the moment without this.

I do feel really low, and sad, I wish some things would go right for a change and go right all the way through, not change half way, I wish I had someone to talk too. Lifes bad points are sucking me in and I hate it. I hate the way everything is making me feel at the moment, and I just wish it would stop.

Dawn

xxx