Hey everyone

Maybe I should put this somewhere else, but i dont know, I am just trying to find the right words to actually say how I am feeling right now.

Last night I actually cried myself to sleep, and I know that is a real bad sign, ed was actually getting to me big time, the things that had happened during the week, and the feelings I was getting through the weekend were begining to be too much.

I dont think I have cried for a long time, but it wasnt just ed, if you know what I mean, it was everything, I have had a few bad things happen and i think they are catching me up, I know I try to ignor everything and sometimes everyone, and I try and stay positive, but at the moment I cant deal with things and its wearing me down.

My nan is very sick and while out with my dad last week I realised that I havent been to see her in the house since she got home, as I cant see her, she is very ill and I dont think I want to remember her in such a bad way, It was pretty bad in the hospital and I didnt deal with that well, and I think I am maybe being really selfish for that , as I know she would love to see me, even though she may not remember everything.

At work we have had to lay off three of my friends as there is no work anmore, and they are thinking of letting go of two others. That means I will be left with the friend who was part responsible for the lead up to the abuse last year. I told the manager last week that if he thinks he can leave me in the back room with this girl on my own then he has another thing coming, she is responsible in a way for some of the sh last year, and this year because of her behaviour, and no matter what i say to her things will never change. She comes to work in a bad mood, and makes me feel so miserable, i know I couldnt cope with her on my own and so I am praying that they will keep my two last remaining polish friends on. I know we need them in work its just a matter of making managment see it.

No one asked us today if we wanted overtime tomorrow at 6 so i told the girls it was 745 start I know that maybe we should be in at 6 but I aint a mind reader, and I want a lie in anyways. So if we get behind they can blame me tomorrow.

I guess I just wished things were simpler, and that people wouldnt say things that they didnt really mean, and I know they do..

I am glad I had somewhere to turn to tonight and somewhere to talk.

Thanks,

 
Dawn

Xx

Hey everyone

Maybe I should put this somewhere else, but i dont know, I am just trying to find the right words to actually say how I am feeling right now.

Last night I actually cried myself to sleep, and I know that is a real bad sign, ed was actually getting to me big time, the things that had happened during the week, and the feelings I was getting through the weekend were begining to be too much.

I dont think I have cried for a long time, but it wasnt just ed, if you know what I mean, it was everything, I have had a few bad things happen and i think they are catching me up, I know I try to ignor everything and sometimes everyone, and I try and stay positive, but at the moment I cant deal with things and its wearing me down.

My nan is very sick and while out with my dad last week I realised that I havent been to see her in the house since she got home, as I cant see her, she is very ill and I dont think I want to remember her in such a bad way, It was pretty bad in the hospital and I didnt deal with that well, and I think I am maybe being really selfish for that , as I know she would love to see me, even though she may not remember everything.

At work we have had to lay off three of my friends as there is no work anmore, and they are thinking of letting go of two others. That means I will be left with the friend who was part responsible for the lead up to the abuse last year. I told the manager last week that if he thinks he can leave me in the back room with this girl on my own then he has another thing coming, she is responsible in a way for some of the sh last year, and this year because of her behaviour, and no matter what i say to her things will never change. She comes to work in a bad mood, and makes me feel so miserable, i know I couldnt cope with her on my own and so I am praying that they will keep my two last remaining polish friends on. I know we need them in work its just a matter of making managment see it.

No one asked us today if we wanted overtime tomorrow at 6 so i told the girls it was 745 start I know that maybe we should be in at 6 but I aint a mind reader, and I want a lie in anyways. So if we get behind they can blame me tomorrow.

I guess I just wished things were simpler, and that people wouldnt say things that they didnt really mean, and I know they do..

I am glad I had somewhere to turn to tonight and somewhere to talk.

Thanks,

Dawn

xx

9/09/200617:21

Hi everyone

Just a quick update, I am doing really good at the moment, recovery is hard, but I am fighting ed and winning, it is possible to keep ed at bay, but its hard to know when the fight will be won.

Keep fighting everyone, and keep smiling.

hugs Dawn

xx

Hi everyone

Things are looking up for me at the moment,

Yeah there is still no word on the test results for typsey and spooky is showing some of the same signs that he had, but I know she can fight this.

We have had a letter from the solicitor saying that the third party has admitted full liability though and that means we will be getting paid out soon, so we can get another car, that is good, and it also means we should have something left to put towarsds our land rent this year, that should make it easier for us,

I am feeling more positive, although some of my friends are having a really hard time at the moment and I am sending some positive thoughts too them, (((Lou and Chantelle))) I cant be with them in person, but I am in spirit.

I want everyone to know this is all possible to get better, we have to keep fighting and keep our spirits up in any ways we can. We aint alone none of us.

Love Dawn

Xxx

Hey, had some bad news today, it has now been confirmed that our other cat, my cat has FIP, and now I am stuck and dont know what to do.

I gave into ed, I was sick after my tea, and I feel so so so so bad. When everything was going wrong a month ago, I still managed to keep him at bay, but I just couldnt, it was like he got in my head and that was it.

I wont be going backwards though, i have to trest this as a blip, and not as total failure.

I will keep going, I am getting there, I suppose small setbacks are supposed to happen.

Or are they, is it not just inevitable that we will return to Ed again and again through out life.

I want to know ???

Why do I seem to get to a point and then go back, is it just always going to happen.

Has anyone really beaten him for good. ?

I am just feeling a bit lost.

Love to you all.

Dawn

Xxx

Hey

I just want you all to know whats been going on with me,

I am still fighting ed, and am still in recovery, although it is hard, I have been working sooo hard to try and pay the money for the car, it has put a big strain on myself, but I am doing okay, i have a few issues which I am struggling with, but am doing as good as possible,

I want eveyone to know, know matter what even if ed may be there, we can all beat him, together, we can beat anything.

Pull together, all of us, and we can over come everything.

Loads of hugs and love,

Dawn

xxx