Hi everyone,

I guess its been a very long time since I actually wrote a blog.

I got caught up in things at home and life in general and this place sort of got lost.

Anyway, I am doing well, after falling off a horse last year, I gained 8kg which was hard for me, because I felt really awful, but I am learning to live with my new larger size. I am a little over weight, but I was never meant to be really skinny. I could lose a few and probably will before the summer, but at the moment I am trying not to obsess about it, and just be me.

I eat regularly now, every morning I eat brecky, and I treat myself to a bacon and sausage butty from the van behind where I work.

I eat good at night, either Paul or myself cooks, and I can even eat a little of something I never allowed myself before, chocolate.

I still aint that keen on it but its getting there.

Anyway, my writing is good, the site I am on mostly is zhura.com I write there daily and take part in their writing comunity which is brill.

I am entering competitions and hopefully things will pick up this year.

Its been a tough one, Paul was involved in an accident in his bus. Someone pulled out on him and the front end of the bus was a right off, the fire brigade had to free him from the cab as he was stuck. He badly damaged his arm, shoulder and back and was off work for three months, then when he did go back into work he was laid off after about 3 weeks.

He hasn’t got a job yet, but is hoping for something soon.

Cath you all again soon, and I hope to start bloggin once again.

Dawn

Its been a while I know, but this is a blog which is needing to come out.

Its been a tough year, and even more so a tough last few weeks.

I have nearly finished my time at Cheadle royal hospital, and I would like to think I have nearly fully recovered from my eating disorder.

But. in the time I was there my weight has changed by 13 kg.

I am now heavier than I want to be, and it has been really stressing me out. I know I haven’t had much to do, and most of the weight went on when I fell off the horse and broke my ribs. (5kg) but its just really got me down this last week.

I am today starting back out in the world of work. Yet like I have always said before about going back, I am scared that I will go back into old habits. It is far from the factory I used to work at. But it is still somewhere that my eating could once again stop and I could turn backwards.

I have to be really strong over this next week, and I have to get up and continue to eat. All the staff at the hospital say my weight will settle back down, once I am working full time. I suppose it will as 40 hours of standing around, and working, is burning off energy that sitting at home writing isn’t.

Anyways over the last month, my mum has finally moved out, and the house has been getting a little more organised. There is still a lot of work to do. But it is getting there. I never thought it would do, but hey.

Will post up some new pics soon.

I guess I am just scared because its been 11 months since I started this journey and yes it is coming to an end. Things have really changed, and I am a stronger person for it.

For all my friends here who have helped me make it out the tunnel. Thanks, and I will continue to update you and especially let you know how I get on at work today.

Dawn xx

After a really crap few days I have finally given up i think. The whole world has begun to piss me off big time.

In March Paul was caught at traffic lights answering his phone, and is now being taken to court. I have been rejected from my new job, because my references were unsatisfactory…. wtf…. I know shirley would have given me a good one, so all I am thinking now is what the hell has Steve said, that has upset my new potential employer…

I was completely honest with them about having time off. and why, and just everything, and now they are rejecting me…

I was so frustrated yesterday… I also got a letter from the dole saying i wasnt going to be getting any help. because I never paid any national insurance in the year 2006…. Derrrrr i have been in the same job for 12 years, so someone is telling lies……

Yesterday i think i had just had enough to be honest…. I decided to drown my sorrows, and while helping Mike and Paul finnish our lovely pond off, I drank my way through a bottle of wine… Ok it did take me from 3pm till after 9pm to finish it, as was very busy inbetween so I never felt any affect from it, but it helped me feel a lot happier and I managed to get through the day without crying.

I unfortunatly slipped big time yesterday and never got anything to eat till gone 2pm, which for me was not a good thing, and because we were so busy we didnt sit down till gone 920pm to a ham sandwhich…

I feel really bad about that yesterday and although i have got up and had breckfast, I feel worse in myself, and wish things would just get better, I so want to get a job and get back out there, and be me.. but everything is pointing at the moment to me just being at home and struggling so much…..

I am disapointed in the system.. and disapointed in myself. What is so wrong with me that people turn me down… this illness has in a way ruined my life, and I think will continue to do so unless a mirracal happens…

Dawn…

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone.

This is just to let you know that although I really want to be here. Iam thinking I might not be able to get online for a while. To cut a long story short, in april while we were having our koi pond dug, the guy digging the hole went through our bt cable. It cost us£190 to get an engineer out to plug two wires back in the wall. Now this week we have had a fault on our line, and having had to get another engineer out has led him to the conclusion that the builderswho have done our extension have also now cut through the wire andleft us with a fault on it. He cant fix it, so has done temporarily,also another £190 and another team has to come out and fix it properly from under the ground. Basically we will have had to pay out over £650 in less than twomonths and to be honest I think the phone line is going to be cut off because i don’t think the builder will take responsibility for it, andI personally don’t have that sort of cash lying around. Even if Icould pay it on the drip. So I am sorry if I suddenly just dissapear, but I will endevour to tryand get one of these mobile toggle thingies so I can use that. Doesanyone know how they do work.Am googling it at the moment. Ps Ian thanks for the crit of TSK, I will once more try a re think,but only after i have had a break from it for a few weeks. I am indire need of a holiday, and don’t seem to be able to get one. Thanks to everyone for their support in the last few weeks. and goodluck all. I hope to speak to you soon.
Sorry this is a bit jumbled copied it from another site, icase i lost signal.

Dawn x