Category Everyday stuff

Jan 2 2012

Yikes!

Wow….

I didn’t think I’d do it all in one day. Please no one read all the posts lol… there are a lot. There are a lot which aren’t nice to read, because of their content.

I was much younger, my grammar and spelling is awful. I was tempted to spell check and read every post, but in the end I choose not too. Mostly because that is how I blogged at the time, in my deepest darkest moments, when thinking about SI and my ED I think spelling etc was the last thing on my mind.

So it is done. I only have one more place to grab posts from, more about my koi than the other stuff.

Onwards to an interesting year. I will continue to blog now. And I can put the facebook thingy back on, I didn’t know it was posting straight there this morning. My page was inundated lol.

Catch you all soon, getting an early night as back to work in the morning. Boring!!!!!! don’t want to go, I really don’t.

Someone come and save me and BUY some scripts.

Speak soon

Dawn

Jan 2 2012

A hard task, but a good one.(I think)

Hey,

So chatting to a few friends last night made me think about doing this, and seeing as I am awake and the rest of the house isn’t. I am going to start this Mammoth Task.

What am I going to do? you say.

Well I am about to transfer my whole history from groups across the  internet that I helped with and had help from over the last 12 years or so.

A lot of it was deleted, because MSN and their groups went away with the fairies. But, I kept everything, like the hoarder that I am. I still have real diaries, (ones you wrote in) from the age of 10 upwards. So this  is my whole online  journal,  a very long connecting one, with all its trials and tribulations, hopes and dreams.

If anyone ever reads through it all, it will be a miracle. But the sites I was on, I had lots of friends and supporters. There are still a lot of them around today, but sadly there were some losses. Eating Disorders are like that, and I lost some very very good friends. (RIP) 😦

Maybe one day I might make a coherent film about it. At present it is what it is, a complicated inner sanctum of turmoil, highs and lows, picking up my feet and finally realizing that recovers is possible and staying safe and happy is more important than any other issues.

Onwards, and lets see how much I get done today.

D

Feb 10 2011

:) strange day!

So, news so far.

After going snorkelling for the first time, we finally got to go scuba diving again. Paul needed another chance to see how he coped being under the water. I must admit I still loved it. 🙂 Actually swam more and also did a roly poly in the water… I then got out and jumped in with all the gear on, must say though that the tank hit the back of my head ouch 😦

Anyway, after a pretty eventful week I think things are going well. Not so much on the job front. My sandwich round has been suffering since Christmas, seems most people are skint or cutting back. Can’t say I blame them really, times are tough at the moment. So for next week in the world of work, I’m unsure what will happen, they want me to change some things around and find some new customers, but I don’t feel comfortable doing it to that extent. I’m taking less than everyone else is at the moment, what the heck will it be like if I move things about? I just don’t know and it saddens me. I love the job, being on the road and serving people, but the way it is at present isn’t working and we need to get it working.

On the writing side, I haven’t had much chance to do a lot. Going out three nights a week to exercise and stuff isn’t doing that much good. My waist line is shrinking, but so is my word count. I need to pull my finger out and finish something for a friend of mine. I’ve managed to write the intro article to his Science Fiction Freedom E’zine. I like doing that, but he wants to publish a short of mine, I just need to finish it. Sometimes it can be hard work.

Regarding the ‘weight’ issue. I sort of had a hard day with it today. Met a bloke on one of my stops whose friend was pretty concerned about him. He walked past the van, but his mate told me that this guy was over 16 stone, stopped eating and now is only 11 stone. All he has all day is one tea spoon of sugar! I mean come on, I ain’t stupid. Anorexia affects men as well as women and it just creeps up on you all of a sudden… You cut back on one thing and then a bit more… the next thing you ain’t eating at all and are thriving on the pain starvation causes. I just hope that by me admitting that I had so many problems to his friend that maybe the guy might actually say something to me. I think he could really need help.

As for me, yes it dragged up a lot of older issues, but I’m doing okay. I keep fighting the urges ‘not to eat’ and I keep on doing it. Actually had a few treats today. Fresh orange juice and a sandwich for lunch and then cheese on toast and hot milk when I got home. It is fish and chips tonight, yum…. See I can do loads of exercise and still manage to maintain my food plan…. 🙂 I am a good girl aren’t I?

At a friends 80th party last weekend another friend of mine asked how her cross stitch of her dog was doing. I had to tell her the truth, I’d had it two years. Got most of it done and then I spilled red wine over it. So this weekend I started over and I am pleased to say after around 30 hours on it so far, it is almost complete once more. 🙂 I just need to stay away from the wine. Maybe she will finally pay me for all the other tiny things I’ve done for her as well. I can hope.  Then I can go back to my dragons and unicorns… I love doing those.

Chat again soon.
Dawn x x

Jan 15 2011

Friday (sat morning)

Hey everyone 🙂

So Friday was an interesting day. To not talk about work too much though…. I work as a delivery driver for 2ufood, I deliver fresh sandwich’s and pastries to people at work, those who can’t get out or are too far to a shop.

The whole week had been so quiet, I had barely any customers all week. But they all came out… at 13:10 I rang the manager and said I’d sold everything bar one cup of soup and a cake… everything else had gone. What a storming day.

I had to hang around and wait for one of the other drivers at the garage, my Niece was having a birthday party (8) next door at my brother and sister-in-law’s dance school… so I sat with them for a bit…

I took Craig back to the yard and the boss had saved me all the buttys off the other van’s for the party. It was nice of him. I got to leave about an hour later than I normally would. I wasn’t too upset.

So I went to the party, took some wine and food and laughed at the entertainer and my niece as they baked a cake with magic. Kids are so easily pleased, mind you so was I… tee hee.

Saturday morning is my usual shopping and cleaning day. I’m trying to watch myself with the ‘food’ though. All the dance and scuba diving won’t help if we eat rubbish all week, so no more choc… the last from xmas will be gone soon. I’m not trying to over obsess with the weight stuff. But I do know I have to keep an eye on things. Knowing I need to lose about 2 stone doesn’t mean I want to lose 4, so I’m tracking my weight on the calander. From xmas to now, I’ve dropped 3kg, I’m hoping it will settle down and was just the weight loss from over eating and then going back to work. I will let you know though. 🙂

I went out with mum to Southport to take some clothes back to Matalan and then went to Argos, I needed a new electric blanket, (my side broke, well it was 10 years old) we called at Morrisons and then came home to unpack and clean. I’ve just finished, how boring I know.

I’m just catching up with my emails now, had some good reviews this week. Seems people are getting back to the writing sites I use and becoming active again after the holidays. Awesome. So… I have some work to do, onwards with the writing and reading. Enjoy your day.

Dawn

Jan 13 2011

Scuba diving

I know I haven’t managed to keep a blog a day. But I’ve been pretty sick and have been exhausted with going into work. I can’t take any time off only just having started the job, wouldn’t look good.

Anyway so last night my other half (Paul) and I had planned to start Scuba diving. A friend of his has been doing it for years and teaches in Southport, so we tagged along and had our first scuba lesson.

I was pretty nervous before we left. I’m not the most confident of people in a bathing suit, let alone trying to do something that I’ve never done before, ever… I haven’t even been under-water since I was at school.

My instructor was very cool. A guy called Mike. He talked me through a few things and then we sat at the side of the pool to put on the suit. It didn’t feel that heavy when it was resting on the floor, but getting in without cracking the back of it was a little more difficult.

At the shallow end it was okay. I could stand up. Although I was under the impression that as soon as I got in the water that I’d sink. The whole suit was filled with air though so I couldn’t.

Attempting to follow instruction and breath through the regulator went okay. So we tried with my head under water. I didn’t like it. Not one bit.

Your most basic instinct when in water and you want to breath is to come to the surface. To breath underneath it is against every survival instinct you have. You are fighting nature, fighting the urge to surface.

I found that I was paniking more at the shallow end by the edge of the pool so Mike moved us further into the water said we’d try some swimming. You know once I was actually under the water and moving and I breathed, realised I could breath I was fine. It was only when I stopped and was thinking about it, it seemed to make it worse. I was at the deep end before I knew it. 🙂 That made me happy.

Mike wanted me to get used to kneeling on the bottom, but I kept tipping backwards when I got down and found it very hard to get myself right again. I was like a turtle. Mike said that it didn’t matter if I was on my back, my knees or anything. As long as I was breathing, I was okay, everything else was fine.

I liked being under the water, we stayed there for most of the lesson. I got a little un-nerved when while at the bottom someone came over to him and started wrestling with the back of his tank. But I did stay calm and while they were occupied I just tried to carry on and breath while sat on the pool floor. I did good, the instructors tank had come loose and one of the other members had spotted it and fixed it for him.

Mike then tried to get me to do a forward roll at the deep end. I wasn’t comfortable doing this so I didn’t. Maybe next time.

After a good while longer, he checked my tank, only having 100 bar in it to start I was getting low, so he showed me the gauge, 0 bar we headed back to the shallow end and as I was getting there I tried to breath, nothing was coming out… I didn’t panic though until it got to inflate the suit to float. There was nothing left and I was filled with weights and stuck. My rational brain thought about it for a moment though and I knew I could stand up, it wasn’t a problem, although it was difficult.

So I’d made it through my first lesson, now we had to get out the pool. Believe you me, I’d never thought for one second that the suit weighed so much. I knew I had wobbly legs, not used to the swimming, but it was immensely heavy. We rinsed it off and took it apart then showered and went to the club meeting.

My other half hadn’t had such a good lesson, he was terrified under the water and couldn’t get used to the breathing. Where as I spent most of my time under, he spent it panicking. Poor thing! I was made up though, something I could do okay, and the teacher praised me… 🙂

So, would I do it again. Yes. I really want to, I know it isn’t easy. I’m not telling you any lies, I was scared. Still am scared to some degree. I need to know more, I need to know all the safety aspects. I don’t ever want to run out of oxygen under water, no way, so I will learn as much as I can.

Been tired today in work, we didn’t get home till gone 11 last night. But it is a happy tired. I’ve done something I wasn’t sure I would ever do. But I really do want to dive with real fish and see them up close and personal that would be amazing.

I wanted to blog about this because it is something I think might interest a few people. I also think my progress in learning might be good. Something to reflect on, something to remind me of what it was like back in the beginning.

Speak soon.

Dawn