02:26

Didnt stay away long did I

Have to scream to get this out, to shout and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

People suck, I hate people, they are mean and horrid and just so pathetic.

Wanted a break from everything as I said, but oh no, had such a nice morning, cuddled up with paul talking bout stuff, and nearly made him late for work, didnt have to bad a day myself, as managed to think of a few good poems and talked to my friend Angela who may be leavng, and then last minute before it was time to go home, I was reading a magazine and doing my work right as I only put two pieces of cardboard together and can do it blindfolded. Some guy eric, started shouting in front of everone about how lazy I was and couldnt be working and reading, so I just stared at him and laughed, hes a silly old man, anyway.

But then he started again while waiting at the clocking off thingy and I had had enouh, I argued back with him. He said if i wanted to go so much why didnt I clock off and **** off. Then my friend Angela, decided she had had enough, so she clocked out early losing 15 mins, so then I decided that was it, and I went too, told the supervisor I had clocked off and now have to go in monday to face it.

The worst thing is when I got home all I wanted to do was to find a way to hurt me, as i hated me I wanted me to feel punished, why would I feel like this, it wasnt my falut this man was so bad, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and so sick in the head,

But I came home and took laxatives instead, then started to panic as I had taken far too many. Bex got me to call the docs, and then to tell paul, when he came in, i thought he would shout at me but instead hugged me and said it would be ok, that he loved me, and was here, I then started crying. couldnt stop, feel so awful.

had to phone hospital as well to make sure what i took wasnt too bad, and they said not, I am now in agony and feel even worse, I hate me more than I hate ed and I hate that guy in work so so much, have written a letter of complaint about him for monday morning, but am going to the docs before i go into work to see if he can suggest anything, like changing my meds dont think these are working anymore, dont think they ever did. Just made me worse, I think.

Anyways, enough for now, glad I got it out, hope to talk to you all soon, as I love ya all to bits,

Love and huge hugs,

Dawn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone,

Decided today that i am taking a break from the boards, I feel I need to just get away from everything as I am not doing to well,

I know you have all been here for me, and I will be thinging of you all still for each day I am away,

As I love you all to pieces,

I just think I need a break, please take care of each other, and of course yourselves, I love you loads,

For those who have my msn, I may not answer, if online, could be my husband as he doesnt know how to switch it off,

Will be back monday night,  love you all, sending ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) your ways,

Dawn

Xxxxxx

Is it just me or is it just hard for us all to let the feelings out, to try and understand whats going on inside and to move forward,

I seem to do ok for a while but then it starts to head backwards, and I cant seem to get out of the habit, of hating me,

Why do I hate me so much why cant I be happy and like the person I am, am I so bad. what have I done wrong,

Ed is still there niggling in the background and I cant stand him being there I want to get rid of him but with each bite he is telling me I am wrong and I am bad.

There is something bad in him that wants me to self destruct but I cant give up the fight, it feels like hes winning me bk, but no I keep on fighting him and its so hard.

Would just be so easy to give in, but I cant I know I cant I dont want this anymore,

I dont want to feel this bad anymore, I want to be free, and I am crying now, this torture cant go on, I am in the middle of a crossroads, and I cant choose either way to go, am stuck with a choice and I cant make it,

My friend Pat says things are gonna come to a head at xmas and I dont want that, want to hide away and not go anywhere dont want anything to come out dont feel I can handle it, or my family can.

Am so lost, cant talk, cant thinkk cant fight, Love you all,

hugs,

XXXxxxxxxxx Dawn

Hi everyone,

((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Just wanted to say, that I am struggling with talking at the moment, and its not easy for me to actually post anything, so please dont think I am ignoring anyone, as I love you all, and you are all in my thoughts all day n everyday,

You have all helped me so much and I am greatful to everyone of ya,

Hope everyone else is doing ok, and I will be trying to get back to normal pretty soon,

Love ya,

Dawn

Xxxxxx

(((((Yey)))))

Tomorrow is friday,

🙂  I cant wait am so excited, and not nervous at all, i am gonna spoil you rotten, lol

You both deserve a break and thats what I want to give you, no pressure nothing but love and me thinks you wont want to go home, but thats goo,

You will both be welcome anytime,

I know you nervous, but dont be, i am nice and kind and I will only be my normal self, have a good sleep, and I will talk to you both later…. n c u tomorrow, yey 🙂   🙂

Love and hugs

Dawn

Xxxxxxxxxxxx