23/06/11

A synopsis review from Circalit.

I didn’t know what to send in,  and only had a very short synopsis from TSK, so  I used that or I would have lost the review.

Here is what was said on the short synopsis of…..

For many years since their arrival on Earth, the Aonise have forged a tense peace treaty with humanity, living in the ghettos of their city as rival clans. Yet when a terrorist’s virus designed to eliminate them spreads to humans instead, Taliri, the son of the last Aonise king, is forced out of hiding to end the crisis. He must now unite his fractured people and try to prevent an all-out war.

—————————————————-

Logline

This log line neatly summarises the central premise of the script, as well as introducing the reader to the wider implications of Taliri’s battle. Although this would be suitable to use for script reports which need to succinctly summarise the series (perhaps when a company have already read the project and it is being sent onto other collaborators/executives) it does not sell the project. It is fairly routine and does not indicate to the reader that there is anything to make this script stand out from others of the same genre. I would also advise that the central character, Taliri, is mentioned and there is a comment on the cohabitation of humans and Aonise on planet Earth.

Synopsis

Obviously this is a much shorter summary than would normally be expected on a full script report. Taking the time to properly summarise the script would be a worth-while task as a well-executed synopsis can be instrumental in promoting a project. It will be important that the writer puts his voice into this, and that the reader is able to gain some insight into his writing style, as well as his ability to articulately summarise the project giving them a good understanding of the plot and inspiring to read it in its entirety as well as considering the series.

The writer introduces the alien race and their relationship with the humans on planet Earth however it would be worthwhile considering a visual description to help the reader engage with the script. We have no way of knowing what sets the Aonise apart from the humans, how they live, what they look like and this information would go some way to answer some of the other questions regarding their relationship with humanity. Again we are told that the Aonise are living in the ghettos of human civilisation and this instantly demarks them as the inferior race. What would be interesting would be to know how they came to accept this situation and why they are resigned to living on the fringes of society. The conflict between humans and Aonise underpins the entirety of the drama and without some information regarding how this fragile cease-fire came to be the reader is left alienated from the action and fails to engage with the story. In a similar vein it would be worthwhile including some information about the virus that inspires Taliri to reach out to the human community. This catalyst has enormous implications and the reader needs to know what inspires these changes.

In conclusion the writer should consider composing a longer synopsis which would enable the log line to be more of a selling point. The synopsis should echo the style in which the script is written, giving details about the episode and perhaps even information about how the series will progress. The writer may wish to include some form of an episode breakdown, an indication to series length and over riding story-arcs. He should also consider including some form of character description, both physically and mentally, in order to engage the reader.

—————————————

It was still really helpful.

D

Feeding fry

June 23rd 6:59pm

So been back down to Holmeswood today to get some more food.

Barry is always full of such good advice. A tip he gave me to see how the fry were doing, was to pop them in a glass and see if their tummy’s were full.

I did this when I got home. Fry in the bowl had brown belly’s but some of the ones in the qt didn’t. So I need to up my feeding in the qt, to keep them growing.

I also think I’ve lost some, quite a few dead ones about today. :( but the others are doing well, still in the hundreds. Natures way of dealing with things I guess. So I put some more in the bowl to see if they do better in there. Fingers crossed.

Also bought some dried blood worm, which Barry said to grind add a bit of water to and then feed them. Putting in a few drops of sansai as well. Still got some brine shrimp eggs, but don’t think they will last much longer.

How is everyone elses, and how much are you feeding?

Dawn

June 26th 4:22pm

Fry and Blanketweed

Hey everyone, could do with some real advice here. Getting a bit worried about the baby fry and all this blanket weed. It has started to overtake everything. I doubt very much I could turn my filter on with it as it is because it would just clog the pump…. tried to remove some today but some of the fry are stuck in it.

Can I treat it at all? Would the fry die? Or is my only option to try and sieve all the babies out and scrub it clean to start again?

Just think that there isn’t as many in there as there was, and I don’t think the blanket weed over growth is helping them at all. They are growing though which is a bonus, and mum has made my fry net, so I can separate them. Just don’t want the blanket weed clogging that up either or I’ll just have one very stagnant pool of water and most likely dead fry!

Any ideas, please let me know.

Thanks

Dawn

June 28th 8:02pm

The net is made, piping in so we can secure it to the sides, smaller than I wanted, but need room to move pipes under etc. Don’t think we’re going to drain the qt just yet. Will see how it goes over the next few days. As for the filter not sure yet, its a massive pump and trickle tower….

Will keep you updated, don’t think there are many losses in the blanket weed looks like it might be fly thingys in there, not fry…

speak soon.

Dawn

Net and Baby Fail

June 29th 7:50pm

So we tried the net today and fail, I watched several fry swim through it! So defo no good, they are still too small.

They will have to get on with the blanket weed and water changes. till they are a lot older. Bummer. Won’t have as many left I can assure you.

Sucks!

Speak soon.

Dawn BangH BangH BangH BangH

June 30th 5:49pm

so I think we have another plan. There is an outlet pipe over half way down. I am going to see if we can turn this and work it so that I can add a valve and a tap or something so I can then drain the water into a sieve and back into the qt, with no pump. Will be much easier on the babies no chomped by a whirling blade.

:) bonus…

Dawn