8^th January 2008

Wow it seem like time has really flown already,

I had my appointment with a private doctor yesterday, to assess my hand injury, Its like 12mths since the accident so there is no real evidence left, all I feel is a little aching when it’s cold, or when I am riding the motorbike, he said that was usual in the first winter since an accident and an injury.

Today I have been to see my head psychiatrist, who has now changed my medication, oops reminds me I need to take my tablets now. lol… done.

Yeah so he sort of put my mind at rest really, saying that really after everything I have been through over the last few months, that any normal person would be totally overwhelmed with feelings… my problem is I want to suppress them. By not eating, or now as I am eating any other detrimental habit.

He was a really nice man even though I wasn’t in there with him for very long about 20 mins; I seemed to feel much calmer when I had left.

Good, yes, I was going to go up to the hospital tomorrow, but now am going to get my new prescription instead.

Things are just as mad in my head at the moment, I am so unsure as to which way or what we are going to end up doing, and I am really scared, my mind doesn’t want to get my hopes up to much, but really I want to live in my Nans house, and I do want to be happy and to settle once and for all. I am sure its just not going to happen though, my luck is just so bad, nothing really has ever worked out for me in the past so why should it now….

Anyways, have had a long day so am going. Trying to get some sleep here is hard at the moment, so Im just trying to keep busy. It aint working….