11^th February 2008

Ummm where am I from last week….

Moday at the Hospital was a complete farce and I can say never again………..

OH MY GOD.

I was there as usual for about 9:00 am.  It was really difficult because I had to walk down there, and it was so painful. It took me ages because I had to keep a very slow pace. I stopped at a small shop, and bought a  beautiful birthday frame for Holly and Sibohan, It only says happy 18^th and 21^st. But it is lovely.

I am sure they will both love it………

When I was there, to be honest I absolutely freaked out… There was no one to do the shopping and I sat with Sue and Kath for ages before anyone else actually turned up.

I ended up going shopping with Pam, which was ok. We talked the whole way…

The thing was, there was no Prawns on the menu, and there was no mushrooms. Even in the end. I bought the Prawns and had to claim the cash back from them. But Pam did get everything else.

I was so pissed off as they never even put the mushrooms in with it.

When we got back. Abi was there to help with the cooking.

The wasn’t much space and  certainly not enough pans, or space for us to redo the risotto.

There was to many people to cook for and not enough time. It was after all gone11 am.

Anyways after sitting down to eat this massive bowl of rice and nuts and stuff; I freaked out big time.

O dear. Yeah it was really difficult for me not to then bring it back up.

We had Karens group afterwards, and to be honest I did give her so much grief. I said exactly what I thought of the whole thing. CRAP…… right from the start there was so much of a lack of communication, it just wasn’t good.

We then had Zoe’s group, and I was determined that I had to talk about going back to work.

Yeah I opened a can of worms then didn’t I….

It was so hard for me to admit the truth and to talk about how I was feeling about going back into the factory.

I was terrified, and really didn’t want to.

So there and then, I decided that at this present time. Going back to work, wasn’t an option. I was not strong enough to go back in there and to be really honest if I had then all I wanted to do was start restricting again.

And I MEAN really restricting.

I began to really cry and in one way all my emotions came out. About how I felt with the food fiasco we had just had. The fact that Sue and Kath changed their mind so much, and there was no proper communication.

I cried a lot.

But it was a good thing.

I decided not to go back to work, there and then.It was just never going to be a safe place for me to return to,

Tuesday.

I got some more pills off Dr Hudson, and I ended up being signed off work again for a month.

I am dreading tomorrow…

Wed

Yeah, umm another really crap day.

For a start Paul rejected me in the morning and I felt then very alone and ugly and fat.

I self injured again… and this was  before I even got to work.

I had the meeting and we both decided that I was better for the company and for myself that I leave.

I now have 12 weeks notice.

Ummmm……

Thursday..

I had to take a bus and a taxi to the hospital.. Bummer…..

I did have a real good chat with Shirley though, and Pam..

Pam is a wonderful lady, and I think a great friend….

The weekend was recuperating…

Seeing as it is so late and I am so tired….. I must go to bed……

Love Dawn xxxx