15/11/04

 

Yey everyone, I have been invited to the BAFTA North ceremony in liverpool wow, is a screening of three short films two of which are by Lynn Harwood our course teacher and I am so so so so so so so excited, I cant believe it, is VIP, wow, am so amazed,

Hubby wouldnt come, but am now going with a very good friend of mine Mark and he is as excited as I am, and i dont blame him, not the sort of thing that comes up every day is it,

WOW WOW I cant help but SCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM

I dont know what to wear, am i more nervous as he aint seen me out of work or what I dont know, am so so so happy thankyou all for believing in me, I can do this and I will be a well produced writer,,  love you all
Dawn

xxxxx

10/11/04

 

I did start this post in a good way but wrote a long one and my computer cut off the net, grrrrr, oh well,

 

I just wanted to thank everyone for being here for me, and for all the sweet emails and messages they sent to me,

 

This week hasnt quite been what i intended it to be but its been good, the doc changed my meds, so have been exhausted and having major problems sleeping again as have been having nite sweats, which havent been nice, but, have slept through most of the week

this isnt good in one sense as I have been hiding, but thanks to lovely louise, I got out for a few hours yesterday and had a great time, thanks for the posting the pics hun, shame bout all my clothes (I was on the bike) oh well,

better ones next time, as she has promised me a pamper day, doing my hair and makeup, interesting as no one has ever done that before,

 

Anyways this week has been a tough one, but I am getting there, done a lot of talking with Paul and a lot of thinking myself,  Have decided with louise’s help that I have to be more independant and more social, so am going to give that a try and get out into the world to try and push ed to one side again, as i seem to be hiding and thats no good,

 

I hope everyone, here is ok, have missed you all, but am back maybe not going to be on as much as I have been but i will always be here, have a new time goal though will only be on the net from 5 till 7pm, so now everyone, knows I hope I can catch some of you then,
Love you all and am sending big hugs,

Dawn

xxxxxxx

08/11/04

Hi everyone, Am having a real break this time, cant come on line much at all, Pauline if you need me for the meeting text me, and I will be there, as i know there is some things we need to discuss, but I am taking a break from the boards and from everything.

 

Been signed off again for two weeks, by doc, and need to get my head sorted out, need to be alone, want to hide, but I wont, i will be online now and then but not for long, as cant do it, hubby has been fair but stern says I cant come on while he is there I have to talk to him, for anyone who thinks of me I will be thinking of them and my phone is still on ok,

Love you all so much, please take care of each other, Love Dawn

 

06/11/04

02:26

Didnt stay away long did I

Have to scream to get this out, to shout and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

People suck, I hate people, they are mean and horrid and just so pathetic.

Wanted a break from everything as I said, but oh no, had such a nice morning, cuddled up with paul talking bout stuff, and nearly made him late for work, didnt have to bad a day myself, as managed to think of a few good poems and talked to my friend Angela who may be leavng, and then last minute before it was time to go home, I was reading a magazine and doing my work right as I only put two pieces of cardboard together and can do it blindfolded. Some guy eric, started shouting in front of everone about how lazy I was and couldnt be working and reading, so I just stared at him and laughed, hes a silly old man, anyway.

But then he started again while waiting at the clocking off thingy and I had had enouh, I argued back with him. He said if i wanted to go so much why didnt I clock off and **** off. Then my friend Angela, decided she had had enough, so she clocked out early losing 15 mins, so then I decided that was it, and I went too, told the supervisor I had clocked off and now have to go in monday to face it.

The worst thing is when I got home all I wanted to do was to find a way to hurt me, as i hated me I wanted me to feel punished, why would I feel like this, it wasnt my falut this man was so bad, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and so sick in the head,

But I came home and took laxatives instead, then started to panic as I had taken far too many. Bex got me to call the docs, and then to tell paul, when he came in, i thought he would shout at me but instead hugged me and said it would be ok, that he loved me, and was here, I then started crying. couldnt stop, feel so awful.

had to phone hospital as well to make sure what i took wasnt too bad, and they said not, I am now in agony and feel even worse, I hate me more than I hate ed and I hate that guy in work so so much, have written a letter of complaint about him for monday morning, but am going to the docs before i go into work to see if he can suggest anything, like changing my meds dont think these are working anymore, dont think they ever did. Just made me worse, I think.

Anyways, enough for now, glad I got it out, hope to talk to you all soon, as I love ya all to bits,

Love and huge hugs,

Dawn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

04/11/04

 

Hi everyone,

 

Decided today that i am taking a break from the boards, I feel I need to just get away from everything as I am not doing to well,

 

I know you have all been here for me, and I will be thinging of you all still for each day I am away,

 

As I love you all to pieces,

 

I just think I need a break, please take care of each other, and of course yourselves, I love you loads,

 

For those who have my msn, I may not answer, if online, could be my husband as he doesnt know how to switch it off,

 

Will be back monday night,  love you all, sending ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) your ways,

Dawn

Xxxxxx