Well Ed won big time last nite, and I lost the plot completly, broke my heart, and cried all nite,


I dont know what happened I was so happy, with going to the bafta on wednesday, and ed hit me hard, I was sick,  after my tea,


and then I thought oh well and had a drink of vodka, and I had been talking to a friend about abuse, and when Paul came home, it all came out,




I couldnt tell him though not really the only way I could let him see it was by showing him on here, what I had written,


I didnt stop crying, couldnt didnt want him to hate me, I felt violated and disgusted and I hated myself for saying it,


this morning I dont know what to do, I dont know


I am lost,


I wont give up fighting, and I will enjoy Wed night,

and ED can **** never come back,


He hits you when you are down , and also very happy, hes nothing and I know this and I I wanted to die last night I didnt want to go on anymore and Paul was there and he held me and comforted me, and I am just speachless.


So Im going,


talk to you all later, and keep fighting everyone of you, we all deserve more than this,



Love and huge hugs,




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