Not good again, nan went to the hospital yesterday and has high blood pressure so they got to get her in monday night now, and I am so stressed out,

Two of our friends are sick, dying and I cant face them, I just cant go to visit, as I am so upset, and ashamed that i feel so bad when I aint dying am i, might feel like it inside but I aint,

The doc was really nice this morning and we had a good chat about my nan and about me returning to work the 13th sept, he said if I am not up to it, I can have more time, but I cant as I am beginin to struggle on the financial side and cant go on for much longer, he also suggested a build up shake thingy to help my body get the minerals and stuff it needs as I really aint eating enough.

I looked everywhere for my cash card this morning and woe and behold i couldnt find it, so paid for my script on credit card and the shake things, and then paid 119 for an envelope to post ferby but oh no the post office wouldnt take my card so ferby had to come home,

He no batteries in now so he cant talk, was worried of post man listening to him shout I am hungry and i love you,

oh well,

been a not good week at all, feel so down and out completly out of it, i wandered round the village this morning like a zombie and forgot everything I was supposed to do,

I am going to rest today am in fact going back to bed now, as am totally exhausted. i will be on later, and I love you all so so much you have all been there for me in my real time of need.


Take care all of you,


Love and huge hugs,



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