09/05/09

The good stuff

Today I am entering another competition, only small in comparison to the others of which I entered. but non the less its had my creative mind on the go.

A good thing, I also read on with a script which I loved, just one problem there is no ending yet, so I will have to wait.

The bad stuff…

So today I actually ate, half a meal that is, in the sense of what I normally would, but in a way its a start.

Not daring to look at the scales this week as my jeans are already falling off. When it goes wrong it goes wrong big time. Nothing in the world feels worse than the food I let myself eat.

When you can make yourself feel guilty for the one thing in life that you have to do by necessity, then it becomes the worst thing in your life.

The world around me carried on today and I just sort of got caught out by the fact Paul came home and then went out for a take out. I still ate with him, which wasn’t what my inner voice had planned I really wanted to carry on and have as little as possible, surviving on a slice of toast and lots of coffee.

It can’t carry on like this, but I want it too, it is the most evil battle of all time, and I want the other side to win.

I am bad in the sense I want the other side to win, and I know I am.

Inside I feel I did well, walked a lot over the last couple of days and expenditure has def exceeded the income, but I now feel awful for eating dinner. In fact so awful I can’t bare it.

Dawn

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