Marking an era ; Semi Colon Tattoo and script from TSK’s Lacria ‘New Beginnings’

I’ve had some new tattoo’s on my mind for a while. I’ve asked some local shops back home for details, but not persued them because of having no time for anything. Well here in Cullompton, Devon I’ve had lots of time. We’re on holiday at Forest Glade Holiday park again. And here for a week.

I didn’t even know there was a tattoo shop here, till we walked past in on Monday 🙂 what a nice surprise it was. So I found them on facebook and sent a message to see about calling in. Which I did yesterday and their facebook link is –

I’d seen several pictures of the kind of thing I wanted to symbolise my past and where I’ve come from. The Semi-Colon Tattoo trend started in around 2013 and I learned of it around then. However, my suicide attempt was way back in 2001. A time where I was a very different person. No confidence, no strength. But I did find some strength. Admitting myself into the hospital was the best thing I ever did. And although no one at that time could really address the things going on inside my mind. It began a 6 year journey to become the person I am today.

Without attempting suicide that day, without the self harm when I was sexually abused at work in 2004 and without sticking my neck out and demanding I see someone properly for my continual eating disorder. I am sure I would not be here today. The depression and the battle against myself would have ended and not in a good way.

I am very happy with both my Tattoo’s today – I survived, and I’m free as the birds depicted here. 🙂

2015-09-02 14.49.16

And for the other arm –


Designed by the very talented Trent Pehrson for TSK’s language -Lacria- and scripted by our Art Director – Bam Laurel 🙂 and translates as ‘new beginnings’

Team TSK is awesome. I adore everyone who has been here for me over the years…

Today marks that ‘new beginning’ today we reach for the stars!


This has been written about before but I don’t know how much I have said. So here it is me from the beginning,

As time began in the small world of new born Dawn Lloyd.

Born on13th December 1977, in Southport hospital, it was a Tuesday, and my mum had an early labour, I was premature, and not due till the following year,

I am sure as  baby I was a pain in the butt, as my nan said, at first I mixed my nights and days up and caused major hassle, lol.

My first early memories, aren’t good ones, as a youngster I started preschool, and met a girl who hated me, and yet then called me her best friend.

One late night after being fast asleep, I am woken by harsh screaming, very harsh screaming.

My mum…. what’s going on, she is in agony she is frightened and screaming so hard.  I am suddenly very scared and don’t know what to do, should I get out of bed, and go see.

What if I see something I shouldn’t?

I crept out of bed, and peered through the door, my brother was also up and being much younger than me was crying, my dad was trying to keep him out of the way.

I go to my dad, and ask what’s wrong? I am then pushed away. The sound of the front door goes, and my mum’s friend Christine comes in rushing to see to my mum.

I then see my mum banging her head against the wall, still screaming.

My dad pushes me in my room and shuts the door, inside I am alone and very scared.

My mums voice louder and louder. Banging and shouting going on.

I can’t do anything; I can’t get out of my room.

I go to my bed where my favourite dog is sitting, and I climb in and cuddle him and begin to cry myself.

There are loud sirens and bright lights and more sounds as, I hear people rushing up the stairs.

I eventually get to open the door again, and peek out side. My mum is being taken away, by two men in green suits.

I see my brother screaming and my dad holding him. But no one is with me.

I do not know what has happened to my mum, she has gone, and I don’t get to see her again for weeks.

I suppose my dad does what he can he tries to look after us both and work as well, but me and my brother were passed from pillar to post. Neighbour to neighbour, and my mum is not around.

I now know that my mum suffered from an anti cerebral brain haemorrhage, she was rushed to theatre and operated on, then she was kept in for two weeks, where she then had to have another operation as she had another.

In total she was in hospital for about 9 weeks, and then stayed with my auntie to convalesce.

I always remember the weather was hot, and the nice people me and bro stayed with, always gave us plenty of ice cream.

I think for me my next major ordeal was then going to primary school. and getting used to all the other kids there. It was weird at first, as it is for all kids.

My mum and dad as they used to work for my granddad used to drop us off at Christine’s so she could then take us and her own children to school.

I used to love going there, they had loads of pets, and lived by a wood which we could cross the bridge and go and play in, obviously supervised by her older son Michael.

Michael was of course a nasty child, a bully, and even though I adored him, he hated me, and nothing I could do would make him smile.

From then on I got used to being punched most days, and I suppose that’s where my brother then got the idea from, as he started to begin the same.

We were always fighting.  Of course as I was oldest, I used to get the blame, and Chris knew it. So of course played on it.

I then had an eye test, and was told I needed glasses; I went to the dentist and had to have a brace.

My brace I could take out at night, and my glasses I had to wear all the time. Those first pair of glasses got left everywhere on purpose, and I really hated them.

Hello Four Eyes.

I got called loads of names, and my brother started most of them.

I am trying to write something serious here, and my friend, (he knows who he is, is making me giggle toooooo much)

My mum and dad, decided to start their own business, and they bought it off some good friends, The business, was to compliment my granddads, and they went into fruit and veg trade, to local hotels and schools, in Southport.

They had about 6 people working for them and as a child I liked them all. I was learning about lots of new things, and I was happy.

My next door neighbours were great, and as a family we would go for day trips with them at weekends, and I would spend loads of time with them.

Rose and Ian became a big part of my life, and then Ian was taken away.

He was a motorcycle rider, and after a bad accident he lost his life.

I was devastated.

My mum and dad said I was too young to go to his funeral, and I wasn’t allowed, my heart had been broken, I used to think of Ian as my second dad. I loved him.

Now he had gone.

Things were getting much worse at school, I was a big kid, podgy and everyone used to laugh at me when we went swimming.

At dinner times, we used to sit at a table of 8 kids, the two oldest kids used to get to give out the dinners.

My two old kids were my worst nightmare.

Everything that they didn’t like. Fatty Dawn would have to eat it all.

Our teachers had gotten wise to some of the kids sneaking food they didn’t like out of the canteen and every table was supervised by the head kids.

My dinners were becoming not only hurtful but unbearable. I was being forced to eat, not only my own dinner, and maybe something I didn’t like, but other kids to.

I remember one particular day; I had to eat 8 hot dog sausages and buns, as no one else liked them.

I was stuffed felt sick and then I hated myself even more for not telling someone.

But of course, I was being told, if I told a teacher, I would be beaten up, I got a few bruises, just for thinking it.

It wasn’t till my friend told my mum what was going on that things got worse.

My mum wiped the floor with all the teachers at the school and all the dinner ladies, I had never ever seen her as mad as she was. It was frightening.

Then of course, the way the dinners were given out had to change, and I got the blame for all of it,

I was bullied even more, and the other kids, never got over it.

My weight which had gone up considerably, because of all the food became a big thing to point out, and they loved calling me fat and ugly.

Am still laughing ((((((((LES)))))))

My mum decided to try and help me lose some of the excess weight, and so my yo yo life style began.

My weight even at primary school became a huge issue. No clothes would ever fit me, and I had begun to hate everything about myself.

I had to have my dinners specially made be the dinner ladies, and I went on a sponsored diet to raise money for a local charity. I did do really well, but then the weight soon went back on.

I was never meant to be thin. My body just didn’t like it.

It was never meant to be!!!!

My weight when I first went to high school was 11st. I was just over 11 years of age, and I remember being weighed by the school nurse.

‘We shall have to do something about this’ she had said.

GRRRRRR….. Leave me alone, please……

To be continued…..

Dawn xx


Spain holiday April 2005

Well this is great six am in Spain, and what I am doing, wide awake, with stomach ach from eating too much last night and not being sick, umm amazing.

It’s been a tough holiday so far, I have been sick most of it, but in a real sick way not with Ed, I have had a killer sore throat and black red stuff coming out of my nose. Yeah a re4al bad cold, got it off Joyce didn’t I, grrr.

Anyways, Sat, day of departure,

Brilliant had a great flight, were detoured via Bilbao. Because an older man, two rows down from us wasn’t good. He flaked out and was put on oxygen and they thought it best to set the plane down, and let a doctor look at him, his poor wife looked so worried and I don’t blame her one bit, or the staff on the plane. If it was me or Paul sick I wouldn’t have expected any less.

Only took us about an hour delay in all, which I thought was very good to be honest.

Umm second dilemma, lol, on arriving in Spain with no euros, the rate at the airport was terrible, 136 per pound, so we decided to just get a taxi and then get the money my mum left for us in the apartment. Yeah good idea in theory, except when we got here we couldn’t get in the apartment and had to ring for Norman the cleaner to come and let us in, oops, mean while Paul was legging it up the road to the exchange bureau to get some money for the driver who was calling him a silly silly man, lol.

We were so tired from the trip I had a sleep in the afternoon and we went for a walk to get some stuff to eat, had our tea in. It was nice, of course I couldn’t sit still then, so we went to barneys and met Clare, had a few drinks which I shouldn’t have, and had a great night.


The day was very warm and breezy, but we relaxed and had a great day, walked quite a bit, and I lazed around, and read a whole book, by steven silverberg  Face of the waters, about a boat trip and a planet called hydros. Was rather weird but a good read. I was so so so so  tired wanted to sleep from about 830 but managed to stay awake till 1000. was supposed to meet clare again but I went to bed and Paul forgot to txt her as did I so she didn’t know we weren’t coming, ahh, silly me.

Monday, our anniversary, Yey 7 yrs,

Had a umm brill morning. We were supposed to be going to the beech, but I felt real ill. (bit like I do now actually at6am) so stayed by the apartment, and sunbathed, I started reading The Horse whisperer is good, and then came in at 1. Had a walk around, deciding which sort of bag I like, and a purse to go with it. Seen some nice belts too, but will have to wait till nearer time to go home, to see if we have any money left,

Only have what mum left us, 150 euros, and 10 pound, and 210 pounds 100 which is ours and 100 which is ron’s, feeling slightly bad about taking his money and not getting him some cigs like I said, but we would have nothing to eat next week otherwise. And we are looking after the pennies, promise.

Tuesday, so umm 627 am

And why am I awake, had a bad dream, got stomach ach, and neck ach,


Of course ed related, sucks hey following me to finspaintoo bastard,

I was in a market come doctors surgery and I was being sick, but there was a girl who was weighing herself in the toilets, she was anorexic, and clearly so, she asked would I weigh her and write the numbers in the book for her, we started talking and became instant friends.

I went off and into the surgery where this then crazed nurse started taking blood from my neck, my mum was sitting there letting her, and this nurse then started puming some weird stuff into me, I didn’t want it at all and was fighting for my life, and knew it,

This girl then phoned me and mum put the phone to my ear.  I was dying and she couldn’t tell, what the fuck.

I wormed and kicked and eventually got the sick nurse off me and oushed my mum away. When I got out of the surgery the nurse was trying to blame me and got the poliece involved, the only evidence I had was this girl I had just met had recored our tiny conversation and then psycho nurse babbling on about what she was going to do to me.

Weird hey,

Umm not as weird as the next one,

About a car race I was in, but then was a motorbike race, I was showering with the blokes and then it turned out I was a woman and the attention changed and I was getting uncomfortable.

Then back in Mere Brow and trying to cross the ditch me flying, and managing it, then falling in, and a guy saving me.

Back to the stables, and Lighting in the stall, he isn’t starving at the moment, but isn’t being looked after very well, I miss him being around, I want to get him out and try to, he looks excited, while I tack him up he jumps about giddy, we go out on a ride, and it was lovely.

Am feeling a bit funny so am going back to bed, the birds are singing and people are up (not that they ever sleep round here) but hey, I am going to ok.

Love you, will write sooon,


Tueday 26th

Was Paul’s birthday tonight, had a Chinese take out and then went for a few drinks in Barny’s turned out to be one drink as I only had a few euros with me, oops, Clare didn’t turn up, so we went for a walk along the beech and then watched a film on scifi,

Wednesday, been cooler today and was glad decided to go for a long walk, and ended up in callawaya past toramoninos, where we went with the mule and the Spanish lady the first time we were out here. Was a really long walk, but was good, stopped in lidel and got some more bits at least we have enough food for this week anyways. Just next week, have a hundred and sixty five in cash so will have to change some of that.

Sunbathed for a bit this afternoon, when the clouds weren’t there it was really hot and I got a little burned, oops.

Any way am meeting clare and manwell in Barneys then going out for a meal up here. He is working tonight so missed out there, lol,

Am going, just had a shower and a play around with the film editing software. And am going to get ready in a bit.

Love Dawn

Saturday night and oh well I am awake again at 23 53,

Been out and had a few drinks with clare in the bar, and you know rang my mum, asked frank about work, Karen isn’t in and now my head is spinning according to frank, Terry has had the sack now I am all guilty and my head wont shut up , oh why oh why,

This is really hurting me, I am getting flashbacks, of me as a child, kids in my neighbourhood.

Again of them and them using me, Anne is asking my brother what we had done the  night before and then asking us to do more tonight, I am beginiiing to think that most of the stuff me and chris did was to sort of answer her questions,

I remember one incident in the bathroom, about being asked what it was like to have boobs, and then of course asking to touch them, and so on, but it didn’t stop there did it oh no, they wanted to know more about me, and they wanted to touch me down below too. 😦

these things going on im my head tongith are hurting me more than ever, I want to scream I am crying now, and I know why they were wrong to ask them of me, and wrong to think I should have carried on with them, but oh no, as ? had beat me and abused me, I thought I had to put up with this behaviour, FAT UGLY DAWN no good for anything else,

I cant believe they are putting me through remembering all this.

I remember too much about kids and being abused by them. Touchy feely. Nasty.


But it still happned, and when ? moved in next door more of the same except… just well more of it.

ME being used, ME being abused.

Anger Yes,


These feelings inside I cannot control and I want to cut tonight more than anything,

Tonight now at 1205, in spain, I want to hurt me,

Because I feel bad, Because I feel disgusting,

THE FEELing inside me is so so so sick, I feel used and hurt, and why couldn’t my mum help me, why couldn’t they see  everything that was going, on.

Because some stupid kids BEAT me up, HE BEAT ME.

HE HURT me and no one knew,
NO One

The Guys in school overfed me something wicked and yeah it hurt, it hurt as I had to do it I had to eat to have friends so they wouldn’t get into trouble, and I would do it.

I was weak, I was fat and I was not worthy of having any friends who liked me for being me.

My best friend didn’t like me, she hated me more that anything, and I knew it, right until we fell out, there was nothing between us,

No matter what I did to try an please her it wasn’t good enough, I was too fat, she was only with me so she could look good, so she looked thin and beautiful and that isn’t how it was completely but that is how my mind worked, that is how I thought, towards the end, and when she got another friend then she fell out with me and it ended I couldn’t do anything to still be her friend  I was the end It was over, I had NO ONE 😦

AND NO one wanted me.

I wish I could have ended it all there and then, but it didn’t happen,

When I left school and it got close I couldn’t do it, no matter how I tried,

I ate and ate until no more

I was the biggest I had been

19st 4lbs

and I hated me,

I drew a knife,

I cut,

It wasn’t enough,

And here I am now,



It fucking sucks,

All the hurt,

All the pain, ‘

I am hurting now inside I want to get it out,





I am lost,

I am lost,

I wish something inside me would tell me what to do, when to do it,

I have to talk to my brother, I have to get things out.

I have to talk to me mum, and tell her,

And my dad,


IT will not ruin me,

It will never ruin me,

I will do them as they did to me.

:Love Dawn


Sunday 1st May

Umm, bad night, yeah I think so, wasn’t sure why all that stuff starts to come out and it was real bad,

Was up for about half an hour, and when I went back to bed I woke Paul up cause I was crying, he held me and comforted me, and I eventually went to sleep, after our noisy neighbours came in gone two oclock.

Havent done anything again today, just rested sunbathed and then went for a walk along the beech and a paddle, I got rather wet but it was good.

I feel my weight is increasing as some of my clothes are getting tighter, but I suppose it has to, I am on holiday and not doing much, apart from eating, and I am eating better, lots of salads, and rice and lovely fresh bread and cheeses, only had three ice creams, and 2 desserts lol never mind.

Anyway want to do some real work, some writing, so off I go. Wish me luck.

Dawn Chapman xxxx



Just thought I would update everyone on whats been going on in my life,

Started February when after taking my frined (11th) Karen shopping, I bought my husband some nice underware, for valantines  and she bought the guy she was seeing, Terry some too, (Terry the married man with two small kids)


When she finally got to give them to him, 21st Feb, he decided to get changed in the middle of the factory floor and having no underware on didnt stop him changing either,  I made it perfectly clear that i didnt want to see anything, but five minutes later, he made sure I was looking and got it out again, while my friends could still see.


This happened on a number of occasions, and he also started to touch me, I wasnt happy at all, it got worse, and I started cutting, couldnt talk to anyone about this, I felt i was asking for it, and deserved everything i got,


Eventually I told Paul last wednesday and then also my councellor this week (Cpn) and after havng talked to my family and stuff went to visit my boss this morning and report him.

My boss took the whole thing very serious and he had to have a witness from the factory and so did I, unfortunatly there was no one I could trust anymore in there, and I had to pick the managers son, but at least I knew her wouldnt have said anything outside to any of the other staff before it got out anyway.

I was so scared I was shaking and nearly in tear talking about the whole thing, I guesse when you talk about it it seems all the more real and its awful.


I have just had a phone call from my boss saying he has had both Terry and Karen in the office and neither denied it they both said it happened like I said it had, I couldnt understand, how come he didnt deny it, what was he doing, admitting it, omg, I just dont know what to think, is he getting more pleasure now out of knowing he has hurt me even more,

I am just so lost and unsure and scared and agggghhhhh I am glad they didnt deny it but just cant work out why?


Am I such a bad person that people will always take advantage of me, of the way i act and feel. can people pick up the fact that you are vaulnarable,


Sorry for ranting, just had to get it out i guess


Love and hugs